☆ Chapter 4: Chaos at the City Gate
After having his arm grabbed, Yun Shi Wei glanced toward the carriage’s interior before immediately flinging off the woman as if she was a hot potato. He stammered: “Who is your Second Older Brother? You’re so much older than me yet still calling me ‘Older Brother’–you’re not sick, are you? Others will misunderstand us. I have no relationship with you.”
“You’ll throw me away this quickly? But this old woman has even touched the plaything in the crotch of your trousers, hehe, and the size isn’t small. How about we have some fun one day? I’ll let you satisfy your craving for a woman.”
Yun Shi Wei’s entire face was so red that it seemed steam could come out at any moment. He shouted: “What kind of rubbish are you speaking? It was you that was shameless, running over whenever it’s convenient for you to do this and that. I have never agreed to do…”
Yun Shi Yi’s eyes flashed with Schadenfreude and purposely used a loud voice to reply to Ruan Zhu: “That woman is called Ma Cui Yun[a] who really likes our family’s Shi Wei. Some time ago, she even brought a matchmaker to our house to propose marriage, begging for Shi Wei to be her secondary husband and saying that she would pamper only him!”
Yun Shi Wei turned pale with fright: “Zhu Zhu, don’t listen to Eldest Brother’s story. If I ever had that intention, then let Heaven’s thunder strike me in two. Ever since we got engaged, I haven’t dared to think of anyone else. It’s Ma Cui Yun that tries to seduce me; I’ve been keeping myself pure for you.”
Ruan Zhu wasn’t the kind of individual that liked breaking apart a pair of mandarin ducks[b], hence she’d despise it if a man provoked another woman and then had a relationship with her (RZ). She deadpanned: “Second Cousin, you having a beloved is a good thing. Little Sister feels only happiness and wants to wish you well. My saying this is not to obstruct your future.[c] As the common saying goes, ‘Out of Heaven’s thirty three levels, the highest one is wherever you hold hatred; out of four hundred and forty illnesses, the most bitter one is lovesickness.’[d] Another day, I’ll have Eldest Cousin prepare a generous betrothal gift for you. Afterwards, we’ll send you to the Ma residence to marry and allow your relationship to advance. From then on, I hope you’ll maintain those good feelings for a long time with both sides of the family living in harmony. Wouldn’t that be beautiful?”
It was Yun Shi Wei’s nature to be honest and straightforward while being clumsy in speech. Unable to use flowery words, he was so worried that his brow beaded with sweat: “That’s not what I meant. I only like one person, Zhu Zhu, and that’s you. I don’t like Ma Cui Yun; she’s ugly, dark, and fat to the point where grabbing her is impossible.”
Ruan Zhu suddenly realized something: “Oh! The feelings are so deep that Second Cousin has already embraced her?”
Yun Shi Wei hurriedly shook his hands in refusal: “No, I said it wrong. She’s so heavy that no human is able to hold her.”
Ma Cui Yun’s face was ashen. Poking at Yun Shi Wei, she hurled abuse at him: “Who are you calling heavy? Who said I wanted you to hold me? It should obviously be this old lady holding you instead. That toy at your crotch has already been touched by this old lady, yet you want to pretend you’re innocent. If you didn’t look so fierce and that object in your pants wasn’t so large, causing me to think you’d bring me great satisfaction, did you think this old lady would cherish you?”
Wow, women from the ancient era were really awesome!
Unable to believe what she was hearing, Ruan Zhu involuntarily widened her eyes. This sort of awesome woman was also rare in her past world. No, rather than saying ‘rare’, it should be that she has never met anyone that dared to scold someone in this manner. At least in her past social circle, everyone was educated and would never use coarse words when blaming others.
Ma Cui Yun’s and Yun family’s carriages had stopped at the city gates. It was still peak morning travel time, thus there were many people blocked in front of and behind them. Losing patience, some travelers walked up and soon there was a lively discussion where all kinds of things were said:
“Hey! Are you guys leaving the city or not? If not, move out of the road. We’re still waiting to leave the city for business.”
“If you wanna flirt, go home and flirt. If you wanna be a slut, go home and be a slut.”
“Just looking at her, it’s clear that woman is no good, trying to steal a man in the middle of the street.”
“That man also isn’t any good. If it wasn’t for him recklessly fooling around, that woman wouldn’t be hurt now.”
Ruan Zhu looked at Yun Shi Wei, her two watery phoenix eyes flashing with a trace of a smile and an unfathomable clarity. Lil boy, you’ve casually provoked peach blossoms[e] so this time you have to suffer some bitterness! Facing Yun Shi Yi: “Eldest Cousin, look. Shouldn’t we let Ma Cui Yun distance herself from the carriage a bit? Then we can drive outside the city and unblock the road. It wouldn’t be good if she got hurt from being too close.”
In a bright voice, Yun Shi Yi ordered Yun Shi Wei: “Shi Wei, tell that woman to move back a little. It’s past time for us to leave.”
Yun Shi Wei chided Ma Cui Yun: “Did you hear that, my Eldest Brother is letting you go.”
Ma Cui Yun didn’t move and glanced at the carriage interior to find a maiden’s dainty figure like a little bird relying on people[f] leaning against Yun Shi Yi’s body. Her expression immediately wasn’t good. Regarding this eldest son of Yun family, she had always greatly admired him. But thinking he was too strong, too outstanding, and let’s not even talk about his appearance–just his arrogant temperament alone caused others to deem him untouchable, making them unable to look him straight in the face. Ma Cui Yun didn’t have the courage to directly ask Yun Shi Yi but she didn’t have the same misgivings towards Ruan Zhu. Not putting Ruan Zhu in her eyes, she directly asked her with a negative attitude: “Who are you and why are you in this carriage?”
The way this sentence was phrased sounded like she was interrogating her husband’s mistress: Who are you and what are you doing with my man?
Ruan Zhu smiled and responded not too fast, but not too slow either: “Ah, who am I? Teehee, I won’t tell you~ but compared to you, my relationship with these two Elder Brothers is much, much closer.” Ruan Zhu could clearly see the adoration deep in the other woman’s eyes so she purposefully planted herself closer to Yun Shi Yi’s side and the latter responded beautifully by drawing her into his embrace.
Ma Cui Yun was so mad she shook her finger at Ruan Zhu: “You’re merely a silly little girl that has yet to grow up, and dare to steal men from this old lady? Do you have boobs as big as this old lady?” Saying so, she shook her two large chest meatballs.
They really are huge. Ruan Zhu started to feel dizzy as they were on the same level as America’s big milk cows.
“Is your butt as round as this old lady’s?” Ma Cui Yun placed both hands on her hips to support her buttocks sticking out.
So dizzy! Ruan Zhu closed her mouth, afraid to say anything, else the other party would reply with even more vulgarity. She admits, this type of outrageous person can only be found in a museum. She is not her opponent.
Yun Shi Yi placed his hand on her back, slowly caressing it and in a dignified manner, spoke outside to Yun Shi Wei: “Shi Wei, drive the carriage out of the city.”
Yun Shi Wei didn’t dare disobey and untangled the two carriages’ shafts from each other before returning to the front passenger seat. Paying no more attention to Ma Cui Yun, he brandished the horsewhip and shouted: “Jia!”
Ma Cui Yun didn’t dare use her life as a joke. Scared of being scraped by the carriage, she quickly scampered away.
Staring after the Yun carriage as it left the city gates, Ma Cui Yun stamped her feet and yelled: “You heartless rat,” before also getting on her own carriage and departing from the city’s entrance.
Thus, the blocked road was finally cleared.
“Second Cousin, do you really like Ma Cui Yun?” Because the carriage door had been kicked by Yun Shi Yi, it was now broken and couldn’t be closed. Thus, Ruan Zhu sat in front of the door and faced Yun Shi Wei while asking her question.
“When did I?” Yun Shi Wei felt so awkward he could die. That Ma Cui Yun clearly should have liked Eldest Brother but because she didn’t dare pursue him, she always found him (YSW) to make fun of. It was just that one time when he ran to an alley to relieve himself and was discovered by Ma Cui Yun, who frivolously took advantage of the situation. He really had bad luck.
“Really?” Ruan Zhu was serious: “But I think she likes you very much, hm? Second Cousin, you don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s not like Little Sister doesn’t understand things. If you truly do like her, just tell me. I can hand you divorce papers and return to you your freedom.”
Yun Shi Wei panicked: “I don’t. There’s no way I’d like that ugly hussy. I only like Zhu Zhu so by all means you must not divorce me.”
The men of this period were most afraid of being divorced as divorce caused them to gain a bad reputation, lessening the amount of women that would then show interest.
Listening to his confession, Ruan Zhu became bashful and returned to her place beside Yun Shi Yi.
Yun Shi Yi carried her into his lap. His right hand hooked around her tender waist while his left hand gently touched her delicate and charming nose. Smiling, he said: “I didn’t expect my little wife was this good at speaking. Your sharp mouth and direct words really surprised this husband.”
[a] Not sure if it’s relevant but her Yun is the same character as the twins. 马翠云 vs 云世伟
[b] Common way of saying affectionate lovers
[c] Her meaning is that she isn’t saying this to make him feel bad or guilty.
[d] This ‘common saying’ is from the Chinese novel & TV drama Legend of Fuyao, I believe. Meaning of the first part is that if you hold hatred, others can’t get close to you. Second half is pretty self explanatory.
tbh, the juxtaposition between such flowery language and this novel is too much
[e] Peach blossoms is an euphemism for romance
[f] 小鸟依人般; idiom, meaning cute and helpless-looking